...

There was a time when I thought you were a friend to me. I think those times I was probably just drunk. And if they offered a test about being a good friend. I'd put money down that you'd surely flunk.

GOOD BYE South Florida.. its been real.

In two weeks I will be heading off to the next chapter in my life.. I am leaving South Florida.. Its been four years.. Some of which were possibly the worst years of my life.. I learned a lot though.. I'll be moving on to a fresh new start, and new people to grow with..

In two weeks I will be leaving my job at the MAC store in Boca Raton.. I've worked with that crew for four straight years and it will be really hard to not be with them every day.. They have become more like family and friends to me than coworkers.. I will miss them dearly every single day.. It will be a challenge starting at my new location because I know no one will ever be able to replace them.. They already made me cry once when they told me they wished they didn't even have to post my position because no one will be able to take my place in that store.. Its good to feel loved.. They are some of the most creative and talented people I know.. I wish I could take some of them with me :(

I am moving to Long Beach, CA. It is a far different city than any I've ever lived in.. I am truly very excited to start a new life with new friends and a new job.. I will be working part time for a MAC PRO location.. Its going to be a lot to learn and a lot to get accustomed to.. But I've got faith in myself.. I am moving to a quiet little apartment in LB with my amazing boyfriend who has taught me so much and shown me that I deserve so much more from life..

I have already established friendships there so I know I won't be terribly lonely there while my boyfriend is away.. I am of course going to miss the few good friends I have down here.. But, this is just an excuse for them to come visit me in California.. and often! Who doesn't want to come to California?! Especially Long Beach.. its so beautiful!!

So the next few weeks I will be one very busy girl.. My boyfriend gets here on Tuesday and then we start the rest of our packing and getting ready for a super rad road trip across the great United States to my new home in LONG BEACH!!! I cannot wait!

xo

j

PS. I cannot begin to explain how much i miss raleigh and my friends there.. i promise to visit as soon as i can.. <3

hmm.. interesting.

what is more odd? the fact that someone in virginia lurks me hard.. or the fact that someone in jacksonville, florida is doing a google search for me. "baby j florida" to be exact.. it lead them straight to this page..

if there's something you wanna know, just ask. i've got nothing to hide.

growing up..

Halfway through 29 I've started feeling a need to settle down. Maybe its my biological clock telling me I'm running out of time.. Maybe its a need to stop moving every few years and find a place I can call home, settle down and raise a family.. Whatever it is, here's to growing up!

I had an amazing phone call this evening with my friend T. Listening to him talk about all the things he wants and has gotten himself in life made me look at my life. Made me see what a rut I've been stuck in; how I've just been taking what has been coming along instead of what I know I deserve. He pointed out to me some things about me and my life that contribute to people not taking me seriously. Things I need to work on and change. I needed an honest perspective from an outsider. Thats exactly what I got. It was a nice phone call. Its been a long time since any boy seemed to give a fuck about my goals or what I wanted out of life. And its been a long time since I felt comfortable enough to HONESTLY tell someone what I REALLY wanted to do with my life.. 

I've distanced myself a lot lately. From people, from places. I've been working nonstop and trying to figure out where to go from here. I've got three days off at the end of July and I would love to take those days and run off to a place I've never been. I need to clear my mind and get myself ready for what is coming..

I'm almost 30. That doesn't mean I don't want to still be silly and have fun. But it does mean that I am ready to cut out a whole mess of bullshit from my life.. Drama, fighting, insecurity (mine and others), caring what the wrong people think about me, fake friends, sketchy dudes and people who go out of their way to keep others from being happy.. How can I have the life I want if I am still letting all of these things into it?

I'm ready to be taken seriously. I am ready to find someone that I can take care of and be there for everyday. I am ready to have all of the things I've been dreaming of for years. I am ready to make a life for myself that I will be in love with. 

slow down. calm down. don't worry. don't hurry.

life has been crazy the past few weeks.. i've done so much and experienced so much.. it feels like i did 6 months worth of things in a few short weeks... warning.. lots of photos to follow!

i went home to ohio to visit my family and to watch my little brother graduate.. it was amazing and so awesome to surprise him.. i got to see my aunt barb as well as some of my other family i haven't seen in almost 10 years.. maybe longer.. shani and andy came to see me which was super fucking awesome.. so stoked on those two.. LOVE. ohio was a nice break from florida.. got to spend time with my mom looking at the apartments she and her boyfriend rent out.. as well as having mom treat me to a delicious vegan lunch.. also on the list of places i enjoyed while in ohio: diamonds (for strippers) UDF (for ice cream of course) skyline (for a black bean burrito deluxe) melt (for a fabulous vegan lunch with andy and shani) beelistic (to see my beloved lil kevin jump)..  flight home was scary due to weather but i made it back to florida safely.. (its been raining in florida for 3 weeks.. we are sinking)

photos from my trip to ohio

THEN! once i was back in florida.. my friend brien and his friend javi came down to play at an electronic music festival down in miami.. i ventured out in the horrendous south florida rain.. insane downpours.. flooding.. a 45 minute drive took me 2 hours.. haha.. but it was so so so worth it.. spent the day with the two of them just pushing around the city.. snapped a pic of javi's mom's new kitty, bandito hunter..

returned to work, which has been pretty steady.. not too terrible.. customers have been decent.. had a photoshoot with miss sam guss.. chachi joined in the fun.. got a few pics back so far.. loving the look of these.. i cannot wait to do more shoots with sam.. i hope i can get some in before she runs off to san francisco and leaves me far behind..

today was a relaxing day off.. ventured out to t-mobile to get a new phone.. dinner at olive garden with thrilled alex.. talked to matty all day <3..>

sleepy baby j..

goodnight xo

let the stars play - dan andriano

Leave the stars out
I miss them tonight
Not as bright as when you're right here, I can feel you outside
So leave the stars out
I miss them tonight
If I could be anywhere
I would lay by your side
If I could be anywhere
I would lay by your side under a night
That is now over
The moonlight is already gone
Let the moon shine like a bottle in its light
I'll be staring to the dawn
Promise I won't be late
So let the moon shine like a bottle in its light
I'll be staring to the dawn
Promise I won't be late
If I could stare with any one
I would stare by your side

i know a lot of amazing mothers.

after reading my post below, my friend lauren posted her own story of how she became a mother.. our stories are very similar, but ended quite differently.. i would love for my friends to read her story as well.. she is an amazing woman.. she is beautiful and kind, she is funny at the most unexpected moment.. she is always smiling and so completely full of love.. she has raised two of the happiest kids i know.. and she has made one of my best friends the happiest man alive..

i truly look up to her and hope one day i can be as wonderful a mother and wife as she is..

meet my friend lauren  http://malcolmsmom.blogspot.com/

also.. my girl shani.. a gorgeous mommy of one of the most beautiful baby boys i've EVER seen.. i've known this girl for a very long time and recently have grown quite close to her.. i think she is an amazing mom.. she works very hard to take care of her family.. she is the cutest damn thing and is wise way beyond her years.. she keeps me in check and shows me a side of things i don't always see.. she needs to move back to florida so i can learn more from her and then take her on girl dates to repay her for all the things she's done for me.. 

meet my friend shani  http://shanighf.blogspot.com/

there are a lot more moms in my life that i look up to, that i learn from and that i strive to be like everyday.. my own mom for starters, she is amazing and i love her more than anything.. vicki, my second mom. judah's mommy, haley genet, amiee fox, jenna's mom, sandee loew, shawna b and all the other mom's in my life.. happy mother's day.