lets hear it for love!

um. where the fuck have i been? living under a rock? possibly. but thanks to my new friend A, i've fallen in love.. Smoking Popes : Destination Failure. yes please. listening to this cd is like seeing a handsome boy in a fred perry shirt (jk.. sort of).. haha hearts in my eyes..

i've had one of the best weekends i can remember.. saturday i went to dinner with chachi and jenny and then down to miami for a show i didn't actually watch.. but i did see a fresh cut skinbyrd get her nose broken by some long haired dude.. sunday we had a get together at skottys.. chachi and i baked.. there was delicious vegetarian and vegan options.. a 7000 dollar bike fell on a dog.. lots of hang out at the poorhouse.. lots of boys riding bikes and doing bike tricks.. lots of me wishing i had a bike that didn't have two flat tires..

monday i spent the day in sawgrass mall with miss chachita.. got siked on jenna coming home.. went to new found glory, bayside, shai hulud.. definitely felt too old to be there.. saw a cute boy in a fred perry shirt.. he was married and didn't wanna be my fake boyfriend.. (haha) met some really rad kids.. got to see miss jenny douglas who i love to pieces.. homeboy found 50$ and bought a round of shirley temples for the straightedge kids in the house haha..

today consisted of work.. lurking hard.. getting stuck at work late.. dinner with my boos.. goddamn video games at rob and chachis with jenna and pat.. late night aim conversations and ridiculous pictures of albi as john wayne and albi in paris... FUCKING AMAZING.

that is all..

goodnight.

xo

j

ps. my new friend is quite wise.

i wonder...

once the dynamics of a relationship/friendship change, is there any hope to ever having it return to the way you'd once known it? if something changes, and you are left with something that barely resembles what you were used to.. is it at all possible to go back to normal? do you just move past it and hope that you can build it back up to what you'd known and loved? or do you just give up and accept what has happened as fate and something that you cannot control or change?

do your best and don't worry

Compare the best of their days
With the worst of your days
You won't win
With your standards so high
And your spirits so low
At least remember ...
This is you on a bad day, you on a pale day
Just do your best and don't ...
Don't worry, oh
The way you hang yourself is oh, so unfair
See the best of how they look
Against the worst of how you are
And again, you won't win
With your standards so high
And your spirits so low
At least remember ...
This is you on a drab day, you in a drab dress
Just do your best and don't ...
Don't worry, oh
The way you hang yourself is oh, so unfair..

Amazing.

I'm on my way back to S. FLA. I learned a lot about myself this weekend. I also realized things about other people in my life..

Life changing.
Xo
J

i've been thinking..

Things need to change.. its overdue.. i need to clean my life out.. rid myself of the negativity i've been carrying since i moved to florida 3 years ago.. i need to wash my soul, wring it out and hang it up to dry.. 

i've spent the past three years blaming myself for everything.. granted, i'm not perfect and i know this.. i'm far from it.. but i've been blaming myself for other people's problems as well as my own.. and that's a heavy burden to bear.. i'm too small to carry my own weight around with everyone else's.. 

so i'm starting here.. cleaning up my life.. i've already started by ridding myself of the people who bring me down.. the ones who wear on me.. the ones who do nothing but make me feel horrible about myself and who i am.. there really isn't room for people like that in my life.. the more space they take up, the less room for amazing people who can see the girl that i am and see what potential i have.. 

i know that i am a good person.. i know that i am worth something amazing.. i know that its within reach and all i have to do is let go of the bullshit so i can grab onto it with both hands.. once i've got it, i won't be letting go..

in thinking of all the things i need to get rid of, i've also started compiling a list of things i want and need in my life.. its a short list so far.. and it might not have all the things you want and need in your life.. but that's why its my list :)

i've been thinking a lot about what i want in my life.. right now, or as soon as humanly possible.. i'm going to need these things.. i don't think its too much to ask really.. i am a queen afterall.. and i do deserve to have things in my life that make me happy.. don't i?

a new room in a new city..
a room i can decorate to look like it belongs to me..
a room i can dance around in at any given hour, in boy shorts and a wife beater..
a new camera to take pictures of the new things in my life to show all my closest friends so they don't feel so far away from me..
a boy to bake for..
a polaroid camera to take pictures of fun and exciting things, and then use the photos to decorate said new room..
love letters..
more art.. made for me, or by me.. or both.
new sheets, pillows and comforter.,
a lot less junk..
more old black and white photos of my family.,
a trip to japan with someone who will appreciate it with me..
someone to go to the ben sherman store with me so i can stare at the cute girl that works there..
a trip to ikea. and not the ikea in south florida.
goodnight kisses

if you know where i might find any of these things.. let a girl know <3

sweet dreams.

xo

j