kittens are bad.. (no matter how cute they are josh call)

sooo.. yesterday i went out on a shopping spree (sike) to buy shoes and a top for work last night.. i had to work the door at the fetish party, and since i'm the dress code bitch, i always have to look extra nice.. so i found theeeee hottest shoes.. red stilettos.. with lil straps and buckles.. seriously... just amazing...  work all night.. they hurt.. its fine. i knew they would.. you have to suffer to look good sometimes.. 

no big deal... i come home.. take the new shoes off.. get comfy for cuddly sleep...  now normally i make sure to put the good shoes away.. i never leave my nikes out.. i only leave out work shoes because they are pretty disposable.. i usually never have a problem leaving them out... but for some reason.. i didnt think to put away the new shoes... 

i guess i thought maybe my kitten wasn't so bad.. and wouldn't chew them up... i was wrong.. wake up this morning to find white scratches and gashes in the new shoes :( well in just one of them, but what good is one perfect shoe and one fucked up shoe going to do me... 

i am very disappointed in this kitten.. :( i was sooooo excited about these shoes.. you have no idea..

and then.. to top it off.. i found one of my dunnys downstairs.. missing its extra piece...  now mama is really angry :(

because i believe he is still with me..

and because i believe he always will be.. <3

my dear jimmy.. i will love and miss you always.. until we are together again.. xo snowpea.

he breaks the spell still young
awakes from out this dream of life
and leaves us sleeping
storm racked blind consumed
by phantom pale displays of grief
he slips from out this shadow land of pain
where heads grow sorrow grey
and age destroys all hope
and spirits crushed
lament and hide away

but wordless watch the soft sky smile
and breathless hear the low wind sigh
"what death may join no more let life divide"

"dream yourself awake" he calls
"eternity awaits us all
open your eyes and be with me
be with me... "

he breaks the chains still young
dispels the hateful shades of treacherous time
and leaves us sleeping
tortured mute
devoured by ghostly shapes of life
he slips from ties of dust
to be the world we dream he lives
a part of everything we feel
the young and beautiful
and brave of heart

but wordless watch the soft sky smile
and breathless hear the low wind sigh
"what death may join no more let life divide"

"dream yourself awake" he calls
"eternity awaits us all
open your eyes and be with me
be with me... "
"dream yourself awake" he calls
"eternity awaits us all
open your eyes and be with me
forever... "

r.smith.

help! i am in ipod hell..

so, after careful consideration, and lots nights at the club, i decided it was time to purchase a new ipod.. i am not a big fan of dropping lots of money at once.. especially on something so frivolous.. but if you have ridden in my car lately, you would know that my cd situation is getting way out of control.. no sane person should have that many cds in one car.. its just asking for trouble.. and it makes my car look very cluttered and messy.. and i really dont want that.. 

so two days ago, i made the purchase.. paying for half in cash.. half on my check card.. you see.. this is how i justified it.. since the cash was never accounted for in my bank account, it really never existed :) therefore, spending it is ok.. because now when i look at my statement it only shows 105$ withdrawal, not 270... i realize i still spent the same amount, but my lil head stresses way less when looking at it like this.. 

anyway... 

so for the past two days i've done nothing but sit in front of my computer uploading music to my new ipod.. my back hurts.. my eyes are burning.. i left my house only once in the past 24 hours.. that was for the new alkaline trio and some zona fresca with my lovely nato..  i haven't even showered.. its disgusting..

i remember awhile ago, the boy i was seeing at the time used to upset me all the time because he would spend HOURS in front of the computer fucking with his ipod.. i remember now how mad it would make me.. i would want to spend time with him and all he would want to do would be update his ipod...

and now i understand.

ugh.

hi.

Its been a long time since i've bothered writing anything at all.. aside from the occasional random blog or bulletin.. but never anything really substantial.. not saying that any of this will be any better.. but who knows.. sometimes i'm funny.. sometimes i have something kind of important to say.. sometimes i just need to clear my head.. sometimes i just need to post my thoughts and opinions on my day and the various adventures i've encountered throughout it.. i don't really know how many of my friends or strangers will actually bother reading it.. and truthfully that doesn't really matter.. i'm writing it mostly for me, if someone else is entertained by it, then i guess thats just an added bonus :)