things i deserve

i deserve someone in my life that will come see me.. that will not only tell me that they think i'm amazing, but will also show me.. someone that will send me random messages to put a smile on my face.. someone who will appreciate me for who i am.. the good and the bad parts.. someone who not play games, but will be totally honest with me all of the time.. i deserve someone who will not give up on me at the first sign of stress.. someone i can bake for, watch movies with, cuddle with.. someone i can look cute for, that will feel proud to have me on their arm.. someone who will care about me and worry about me and want to know that i'm safe and sound.. 

i don't really feel that any of this is too much to ask.. and its all stuff that i truly deserve.. i'm a good girl, i have a lot of heart.. i'd do anything for the people i love and care about.. and i deserve someone who would treat me the same way...

i know what i am worth.

xo

j

do your best and don't worry

Compare the best of their days
With the worst of your days
You won't win
With your standards so high
And your spirits so low
At least remember ...
This is you on a bad day, you on a pale day
Just do your best and don't ...
Don't worry, oh
The way you hang yourself is oh, so unfair
See the best of how they look
Against the worst of how you are
And again, you won't win
With your standards so high
And your spirits so low
At least remember ...
This is you on a drab day, you in a drab dress
Just do your best and don't ...
Don't worry, oh
The way you hang yourself is oh, so unfair..

Amazing.

I'm on my way back to S. FLA. I learned a lot about myself this weekend. I also realized things about other people in my life..

Life changing.
Xo
J

3/23

my head has been all filled up for weeks now.. more so this past week.. with the uncertainty of this job and my possible moving, to the up and down confusion of the other things in my life.. i've felt every day as though my head were going to explode..

things were looking up for me.. rad friends, fun times, sweet trips to hang with an amazing boy.. and how quickly things are changing.. people are moving (myself possibly included), hang outs are less and less.. 

i'm not sure at all where anything in my life stands at this moment.. i've played it all out a hundred times.. and it looks like nothing is headed in the direction i had hoped it would.. but what can i do? make attempts to fix it? try my best and hope my best is good enough?

until then.. i will just make regular trips to the ocean.. to sit with myself and try to let it all go.. i'll close out all my applications and hit restart.. maybe i'll run more efficiently next time..

xo

j

i've been thinking..

Things need to change.. its overdue.. i need to clean my life out.. rid myself of the negativity i've been carrying since i moved to florida 3 years ago.. i need to wash my soul, wring it out and hang it up to dry.. 

i've spent the past three years blaming myself for everything.. granted, i'm not perfect and i know this.. i'm far from it.. but i've been blaming myself for other people's problems as well as my own.. and that's a heavy burden to bear.. i'm too small to carry my own weight around with everyone else's.. 

so i'm starting here.. cleaning up my life.. i've already started by ridding myself of the people who bring me down.. the ones who wear on me.. the ones who do nothing but make me feel horrible about myself and who i am.. there really isn't room for people like that in my life.. the more space they take up, the less room for amazing people who can see the girl that i am and see what potential i have.. 

i know that i am a good person.. i know that i am worth something amazing.. i know that its within reach and all i have to do is let go of the bullshit so i can grab onto it with both hands.. once i've got it, i won't be letting go..

in thinking of all the things i need to get rid of, i've also started compiling a list of things i want and need in my life.. its a short list so far.. and it might not have all the things you want and need in your life.. but that's why its my list :)

i've been thinking a lot about what i want in my life.. right now, or as soon as humanly possible.. i'm going to need these things.. i don't think its too much to ask really.. i am a queen afterall.. and i do deserve to have things in my life that make me happy.. don't i?

a new room in a new city..
a room i can decorate to look like it belongs to me..
a room i can dance around in at any given hour, in boy shorts and a wife beater..
a new camera to take pictures of the new things in my life to show all my closest friends so they don't feel so far away from me..
a boy to bake for..
a polaroid camera to take pictures of fun and exciting things, and then use the photos to decorate said new room..
love letters..
more art.. made for me, or by me.. or both.
new sheets, pillows and comforter.,
a lot less junk..
more old black and white photos of my family.,
a trip to japan with someone who will appreciate it with me..
someone to go to the ben sherman store with me so i can stare at the cute girl that works there..
a trip to ikea. and not the ikea in south florida.
goodnight kisses

if you know where i might find any of these things.. let a girl know <3

sweet dreams.

xo

j