Thursday, March 19

i've been thinking..

Things need to change.. its overdue.. i need to clean my life out.. rid myself of the negativity i've been carrying since i moved to florida 3 years ago.. i need to wash my soul, wring it out and hang it up to dry.. 

i've spent the past three years blaming myself for everything.. granted, i'm not perfect and i know this.. i'm far from it.. but i've been blaming myself for other people's problems as well as my own.. and that's a heavy burden to bear.. i'm too small to carry my own weight around with everyone else's.. 

so i'm starting here.. cleaning up my life.. i've already started by ridding myself of the people who bring me down.. the ones who wear on me.. the ones who do nothing but make me feel horrible about myself and who i am.. there really isn't room for people like that in my life.. the more space they take up, the less room for amazing people who can see the girl that i am and see what potential i have.. 

i know that i am a good person.. i know that i am worth something amazing.. i know that its within reach and all i have to do is let go of the bullshit so i can grab onto it with both hands.. once i've got it, i won't be letting go..

in thinking of all the things i need to get rid of, i've also started compiling a list of things i want and need in my life.. its a short list so far.. and it might not have all the things you want and need in your life.. but that's why its my list :)

i've been thinking a lot about what i want in my life.. right now, or as soon as humanly possible.. i'm going to need these things.. i don't think its too much to ask really.. i am a queen afterall.. and i do deserve to have things in my life that make me happy.. don't i?

a new room in a new city..
a room i can decorate to look like it belongs to me..
a room i can dance around in at any given hour, in boy shorts and a wife beater..
a new camera to take pictures of the new things in my life to show all my closest friends so they don't feel so far away from me..
a boy to bake for..
a polaroid camera to take pictures of fun and exciting things, and then use the photos to decorate said new room..
love letters..
more art.. made for me, or by me.. or both.
new sheets, pillows and comforter.,
a lot less junk..
more old black and white photos of my family.,
a trip to japan with someone who will appreciate it with me..
someone to go to the ben sherman store with me so i can stare at the cute girl that works there..
a trip to ikea. and not the ikea in south florida.
goodnight kisses

if you know where i might find any of these things.. let a girl know <3

sweet dreams.
xo
j



3 comments:

Silje Røe Hagland said...

<3 I am so glad you found me! it's weird, I was thinking about you last week, I remember when you sent me the MAC samples, and it was the first time i had tried it!...and now i'm hooked :)

How are you? my eail is xsiljex@gmail.com <3 i miss you!

Jane said...

its been way too long since i've seen you. hahha. this post was a hard read..i relate all too well.

Ali said...

oh wow. i just read your blog post, and this was me about 6months ago - realising that I had to rid my life of toxic relationships of people who brought me down....good on you for moving forward from whatever has been bringing you down. good luck x ali