Sunday, June 28

growing up..

Halfway through 29 I've started feeling a need to settle down. Maybe its my biological clock telling me I'm running out of time.. Maybe its a need to stop moving every few years and find a place I can call home, settle down and raise a family.. Whatever it is, here's to growing up!

I had an amazing phone call this evening with my friend T. Listening to him talk about all the things he wants and has gotten himself in life made me look at my life. Made me see what a rut I've been stuck in; how I've just been taking what has been coming along instead of what I know I deserve. He pointed out to me some things about me and my life that contribute to people not taking me seriously. Things I need to work on and change. I needed an honest perspective from an outsider. Thats exactly what I got. It was a nice phone call. Its been a long time since any boy seemed to give a fuck about my goals or what I wanted out of life. And its been a long time since I felt comfortable enough to HONESTLY tell someone what I REALLY wanted to do with my life.. 

I've distanced myself a lot lately. From people, from places. I've been working nonstop and trying to figure out where to go from here. I've got three days off at the end of July and I would love to take those days and run off to a place I've never been. I need to clear my mind and get myself ready for what is coming..

I'm almost 30. That doesn't mean I don't want to still be silly and have fun. But it does mean that I am ready to cut out a whole mess of bullshit from my life.. Drama, fighting, insecurity (mine and others), caring what the wrong people think about me, fake friends, sketchy dudes and people who go out of their way to keep others from being happy.. How can I have the life I want if I am still letting all of these things into it?

I'm ready to be taken seriously. I am ready to find someone that I can take care of and be there for everyday. I am ready to have all of the things I've been dreaming of for years. I am ready to make a life for myself that I will be in love with. 

1 comment:

Jensen said...

Your pic is not typical, pretty with an attitude in your eyes, that’s feisty,not boring ;] what’s your wrist tat say/mean? (if u don’t mind me askin) btw I think it’s amusing that a vegan (right?) makes a statement giving thought to cannibalistic meal attire. I myself would wear all jet black suit, briefs, dress socks, black face watch to time my meal. I’m debating over the bloodred tie or a red bib. Re:movies have you seen Daybreakers (horror)?

I hope u found a way to travel to those places u haven’t been, it’s fun. That last paragraph of the growing up post is powerful. Hope u read it everyday, even tho you wrote it awhile ago. *Great quote: I am ready to make a life for myself that I will be in love with.* I agree with you 100% right now, I’m gonna write that 1 down for myself! :]

I’m J. sayin hi. Wont bother u much. ttyl